


Don't Want to Cry (But I Break That Way)

by Numerix



Category: K-pop, TWICE (Band)
Genre: Angst sprinkled with some fluff, F/F, Implied Sexual Content, You can yell at me later, because i can't write smut, the things I do for my friends
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-18
Updated: 2018-07-18
Packaged: 2019-06-12 14:23:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,733
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15341718
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Numerix/pseuds/Numerix
Summary: It's cold and empty. Just how Mina likes it.





	Don't Want to Cry (But I Break That Way)

**Author's Note:**

> This is a gift to my angst addict friend, Min.
> 
> The title is a lyric from Where's My Love? By SYML

Cold sheets. She’s gotten used to the emptiness of the room. The bed is still there, untouched after all these months—four pillows in pristine shape, the blanket smooth. There was no evidence anyone has even slept on the mattress. Maybe that’s how Mina preferred it anyways.

 

_They would whisper something soft and slow in each other’s ears. Sounds of undeniable sin evoking more sounds they would love to hear over and over again as if they had all the time in the world._

 

_“You know how much I love you, yes?” A kiss on her earlobe then her cheek tracing it lightly down her neck. She follows it with descending kisses down her body frame, her collar bone looking extremely attractive to her right now. She touches her softly in every part of her skin, careful not to hurt the girl under her._

 

_Momo stops her towards the end, raises her chin up with her finger. “Prove it.”_

 

_And Mina gladly does._

 

She winces at the memory. It’s brought nothing but pain.

  
 

The kitchen is clean, no trace of any crumb or spill, not even a small droplet of water. The fridge still has some items from their last grocery shopping, but it’s all spoilt. Good. Mina didn’t want to bring them anyway.

 

_“My family and the Sons want to hang out next Thursday. Do you want to come with?”_

 

_“I have a deposition that day.” She coaxes Momo to open her mouth as she brings the spoon to her. “Here. Taste this.”_

 

_Momo smacks her lips together, followed by a satisfied yum. “Tastes good. I would add some salt though.”_

 

_Mina hums in appreciation then tastes it for herself. “Yeah, you’re right. Good call.”_

 

_“Son Chaeyoung is going, too. You know, the girl who has had a crush on me for forever?”_

 

_“Are you trying to get me jealous, Hirai?”_

 

_Momo swings her legs from the kitchen counter she’s sitting on. It’s the only place in the house where she can get a good view of her girlfriend cooking. Or at least that’s how she explained it to Mina. “Maybe. Is it working?”_

 

_Mina rolls her eyes and returns to stirring the pot. “No. Besides, Chaeng and I are good friends, too.”_

 

_She exasperates, “It’s going to be so boring.” Momo’s in pigtails and Mina can’t help but find her cute in them._

 

_“If there’s food, you’ll survive.” She pats her head then pinches her pouty cheek. “Speaking of which, dinner’s ready.”_

  
 

Mina remembers exactly when they got the duvet cover for the couch pillow. It was cute. It still is. But the cover’s been ripped, and she meant to sew it up but they both got busier with work.

 

The cushions are still the same, firm and warm. They’re the same cushions that envelop them when they’re coming home at the same time and they’re too tired to move to the bedroom. They always end up cuddling under the covers, their hearts warm and whole.

 

But Mina hates the warmth, hates the pillow and hates this couch. Mina takes the cover and rips the hole further. She thinks that this is better.

 

_“We’re never getting this fixed, are we?” Momo holds up the pillow in front of Mina’s face._

 

_Mina shakes her head and Momo simply shrugs. She places the pillow on her lap as she Mina lowers her head down and adjusts it to a comfortable position. Her girlfriend starts stroking her hair while the movie plays on._

 

_“What movie is this about again?”_

 

_“A Korean pickpocket is pretending to be a handmaiden to this noble Japanese lady. Jihyo said it was good,” she answers her nonchalantly._

 

_The movie was amazing, but Mina thinks the company was better._

 

   

The icy white walls always did look inviting. The tiles feel cold against her skin. Goosebumps are forming on her arms, but she doesn’t care. The toothbrushes face each other like they always had. Something about it being always by each other’s sides, Mina recalls. The tube of toothpaste remains full. It’s a new one Mina had just bought, and they never had a chance to use it. The mirror is clear of any condensation from the hot showers she used to take.

 

She observes herself in the mirror closely. In it a reflection of a girl who used to be in love and how that love had saddened her, had angered her, had broken her. Maybe she likes this new Mina in the mirror. God knows it’s all bullshit anyways.

 

_She spits the water into the sink. “How was your case today?”_

 

_“Good. The jurors seem to be on my side.” She washes the shampoo out of her hair. “How were your patients?”_

 

_Momo rinses her brush with water then grabs the bottle of mouthwash. “They were good. One guy with a nearly sawed-off arm told me how much he admired me.”_

 

_“Well, did you tell him that you’re already taken?”_

 

_“Of course.”_

 

_They reach a comfortable silence as Mina finishes up in the shower and Momo finishes up her flossing._

 

_“We were talking about shower sex today,” Mina says quietly—almost too embarrassed to say it out loud or have Momo hear it._

 

_“How does that even come up in conversation?” is all Momo replies with._

 

_“It just came up, that’s all.”_

 

_Momo doesn’t say anything and Mina berates herself for making it awkward. Then the shower door opens to Momo who’s already stripped her clothes off._

 

_“You got room?”_

 

_Mina smiles and she thinks she would love for this to happen again._

  
 

The air is cold. It’s always cold. The city view has always looked wonderful to Mina, especially at night will the lights evading her sight. She doesn’t care much for the sounds, preferring only to look at the positive rather than the downsides to living in the city. She knows she hasn’t done that enough recently.

 

The balcony furniture looks duller than she remembered it. It’s just there, without a care in the world. Furniture being furniture. She wishes she could be that instead.

 

_“I thought I would find you here.”_

 

_Mina hands Momo a mug of hot chocolate with marshmallows sprinkled on the top, just how she likes it. She settles on the chair next to Momo’s and drinks from her own mug._

 

_“Did I wake you?”_

 

_“Kind of. I rolled in bed and was surprised to see that you weren’t there.” She puts her hand over her girlfriend’s, stroking her thumb lightly. “Everything okay?”_

 

_Momo is unresponsive as she stares blankly at the sky. It’s dawn and the sun is set to rise soon. She breaks out of her own daze when she feels Mina’s warm fingers playing with hers. “Yeah, it’s fine. Something just happened the other day that’s been on my mind.”_

 

_“If you want to talk about it you can. You know that I’m always here for you.” And she meant it. She still does._

 

_“Thank you.”_

 

_The sun rises with hot chocolate on their lips and their hands holding each other’s. It’s the most beautiful sight, but to someone who’s already in love, Mina thinks it’s incomparable to the girl she wishes to always be with._

  
 

_“Mina, she kissed me.”_

 

_She doesn’t remember when this started becoming a screaming match but whoever yelled first ignited an angry passion within both of them and it could not be contained._

 

_“Chaeyoung has loved you since before we started dating.”_

 

_“And I know that. That’s why I’ve always been careful with her.”_

 

_“You didn’t move, Momo. You didn’t push her or anything.” She wants to cry. She wants this day to be over with. “You kissed her back.”_

 

_Momo sighs. It’s the irrefutable truth. Mina had caught them kissing and Momo was never a liar anyways. “I didn’t want to hurt her feelings.”_

 

_“And you wanted to hurt mine?” She doesn’t cry, refusing to let tears even form on her stoic face._

 

_“That’s ridiculous. I love you.”_

 

_Her voice is tinged with confusion and slight desperation when she says, “I don’t believe you when you say love me anymore.”_

 

_But Momo can be vindictive and her words can cut harder than Mina’s. “Fine. I don’t love you anymore.”_

 

_“Good. I like it that way.”_

 

 

There’s a knock on the door for the first time. Panic starts to settle in as Mina looks for the nearest hiding spot. She’s not supposed to be there. The door is slightly ajar when Mina decides to hide in their bedroom.

 

“Mina?”

 

Her name escapes her lips once more. She hasn’t said it in two months and it feels foreign on her tongue. “Momo,” she whispers low.

 

“You’re not here. Of course. Why would you be here?” Silence, followed by, “I’m sorry. I wish I said that before you walked out. I thought you were clearing your head. I didn’t think we were going to break up.” Her voice breaks and Mina thinks she’s crying.

 

Ghosts always come back. And Momo was Mina’s most prominent one.

 

“Maybe we could have prevented this. I just—I miss you.” She’s sniffing. She’s definitely crying. “So much. Every single day.”

 

Mina swallows hard. If the memories from this apartment had broken her little by little, then the memory of their break up would be the final nail in the coffin.

 

“I shouldn’t have said that I didn’t love you anymore. Or that I didn’t know you anymore. Of course, I still know you. Of course, I still love you.”

 

She’s pleading. But to whom?

 

Mina’s ready to reveal her presence until she hears a voice beckoning to Momo.

 

“Momo, are you alright?” She has a sweet voice—definitely sweeter than someone as cold as hers.

 

“Yeah, Chaeng. I’m sorry you had to hear that.”

 

Oh.

 

“It’s fine. The two of you were in love.” She listens closely, listens to the girl patting Momo’s back. Maybe they’re hugging. “You know that I love you. You know that I’ll always wait for you.”

 

Oh.

 

Once Mina hears the footsteps fading into obscurity and then complete silence, she walks out of her hiding place. She spots a note, addressed to her name, on the coffee table.

 

She tears the note in pieces, refusing to read anything by Momo’s hand. They’ve given up on each other a long time ago and Mina likes it that way.

 

“I still love you, too.”

 

Or maybe she didn’t.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!
> 
> If you liked it, hated it, or somewhere in the middle, tell me what you think.


End file.
